I never imagined 10 years ago I’d be writing about the pressures of a young woman living in a feminist world. But I was living in it and here I am today, about to unload an arsenal of what kind of bullshit feminism put on us young women.
I imagine it’s worse now than 10 years ago, too.
At 17 years old, with long hippie dirty blonde hair, in Venice fucking Beach, California – I could have had it all, at least from a feminist perspective. I remember jogging during the day, watching fags make-out, being cat-called by the Mexican construction workers…and clutching to my pocket knife passing the crowd of smiling shifty-eyed blacks who were so much more aggressive in their cat-calling.
I lived with my Aunt who was surrounded by feminist friends and had her own feminist outlooks, especially on dating. I found myself in that shit apartment having been the spawn of a broken home; Dad cheated on Mom consistently and constantly enough for my Mom to throw in the towel. But having Daddy issues, wasn’t I supposed to hate men? That’s where things really clashed.
I moved into my Aunt’s home with her small family at 16 years old and my older sister told them that I was gay. So for the first three months, they treated me like a lesbian. They tried to force me out of the closet, kept giving me rides to gay bars (I was a teenager!). I was so pissed and annoyed – I thought the sexy part of being gay was the excitement and secrecy. Regardless, I didn’t eat pussy and liked guys too much and ended up yelling from my 8×5 closet of a room, “I’m not gay!”.
Wait a fucking second.
In this day and age, isn’t this story backwards? Aren’t people supposed to be mad that kids are gay and pressuring them to be straight? And yet here I was, straighter than a damn arrow, being pressured to be gay. What on earth has our fucking world come to? No one is ever happy.
I ended up testing out of High School and entering the workforce. There was no way I’d be the only 90lb white girl at Venice High – fuck that. I had a part time job, went to Santa Monica Community College and was the nanny for a woman who dealt pot to some B actors. I went out on dates often, and gave many guys chances, quite a few nice guys too, but I realized that I was surrounding myself with pussies; more beta than faggot men.
I was neck deep in beta-male excreted estrogen. I might as well have eaten pussy at that point!
I set men aside, stopped dating altogether and started working for my feminist Aunt. Boy, can feminism be attractive? She gave me ideas of having it all, a job, a life, a house, being who I wanted whenever I wanted and changing how I saw myself constantly.
I could actually be my own God.
But the girl in me met a boy, and I swear when he came around my knees disintegrated and I’m pretty sure he didn’t regret giving me that car ride home. I realized that I didn’t want to be my own God, I wanted a life – a life with someone, with family, with meaning. A life with the “too old for you” man, as my Aunt said. But he treated me like a woman. He didn’t let me make a fool out of myself at the company party, he changed cell phone providers so I could continue to gab in his ear all fucking night. He provided rides to work, helped me get on my feet.
While my instincts were warning me he might be aggressive, almost 10 years later I see that all I was sensing was his Alpha, go-get-“her” drive and his amazing leadership capabilities.
He put me on a pedestal and all I gave him was all of my respect.
I can’t imagine what it’s like for 17-year-old girls now. I hear horror stories about how boys in kindergarten get picked on by girls because “boys can’t hit girls”.
Boys aren’t allowed to get excited, to act out, and to be boys.
They’re put on personality depressant drugs like Ritalin, forced into this beta mindset. I can only hope that our country and how we view men change back to the way things used to be. The way things naturally settle. Men being men. Women submitting as women.