Protect & Impress Your Date in 3 Easy Steps – W.E.T.

  Whenever my wife and I go out for date night or away on a long weekend, I’m mindful of three things that put you, the man in the...
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Whenever my wife and I go out for date night or away on a long weekend, I’m mindful of three things that put you, the man in the relationship, back in control of decision-making.

Specifically, I’m talking about an acronym called W.E.T.: Weather, Enemy, and Terrain.

These are battle-tested ways to keep you and your ladyfriend on the right track while making you “the man” your genetic make-up designed you to be. 

1. WEATHER2

The first element of W.E.T. is weather, something every man should be tracking no matter what you’re doing or where you’re going.

You should always know temperature and inclement weather potential. Don’t get it from one data source — go with what it says on your phone and then go find a different source. Don’t be the idiot that neither checks nor plans for shitty weather. You might think that hot, wet chicks are a beautiful sight to see but not when you’re wine tasting out in the countryside and getting completely soaked for the next four hours because you whiffed on not knowing what the weather was going to be like.

2. ENEMY

The second is Enemy (think: crime).  While you may not find yourself going door-to-door against an entrenched insurgent force in a city in the Middle East, you still need to know what you’re dealing with or what to expect in terms of threat. Take some time and perform simple search queries via Google or DuckDuckGo and figure out if where you are going is ridden with crime or at least has a history of crime.

If you do find out that the location is slightly questionable, don’t go out and get Top Secret CIA Ninja lessons that day. Just keep in mind that if the locale has some unsavory characters, and that you might need to keep an eye on the exit signs should things get hairy. Getting out of that place unscathed before “shit goes down” is 10,000 times cooler than getting your fucking ass kicked in front of your date and forever screws up your chances of getting laid. Ever again.

3. TERRAIN

The final letter of this acronym is Terrain. This is especially true for those of you enjoying the great outdoors who wish to not be eaten by bears or become a 2016 contender for the Darwin Awards. My first recommendation to you is that you have at least two different means to figure out where you are going and that they work correctly before you leave the house. If it takes batteries, change it out for new ones and have some extras on hand. That could mean a GPS device of some sort and your smart phone – but if you want to look like a total badass, try an old-school approach and grab a paper map.

My second recommendation is that if you go with the technology of today, make sure you learn some basic cartography before getting in the car. Figure out other locations close enough to your destination and remember how they are orientated to where you are going. GPS and direction-finding apps are great, but not every location is exactly where it says it is. Getting lost is bad, but nothing is worse than having to deal with a pissed-off woman in high heels who’s quickly losing faith in your ability to effectively navigate.

Speaking of women in high heels, make sure you have already figured out where you’re going to park and how far away it is to the front door of your destination. You might be in something comfortable but those heels take a huge toll when distance becomes a factor.

Remember, forewarned is forearmed. Your best girl may not be as forward-thinking as you, but who else is going to do this level of planning?

Whether or not you’re doing this already, your brain and eyes should function like the HUD from Terminator 2. Keep your head on a swivel and make sure you can control your surroundings. If you can’t control it any longer, pull her to your side and head for the exits. Your future wife will certainly appreciate having the rugged protector like you around.

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Born in Indiana but was raised in Connecticut and Virginia. Joined the United States Marine Corps in 2001 and spent 8 years visiting exotic places, meeting strange people and always having a plan to kill everyone he met along the way. Has (4) tours of combat under his belt, both in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now has a much calmer lifestyle with his wife, Cristina. Enjoys powerlifting, drinking whiskey, shooting guns in the (still) free state of Virginia and making liberals lose their fucking minds. You can reach him at @mattycakes0231 on Twitter.
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