Stop Being a Friendzoned Pussy and Grow a Damn Pair

The friendzone, the DMZ of the love life. The dreaded purgatory. The feeling that looms over you like a fat dick in a pixelated bukkaki video except there’s no...
pajamacrop

The friendzone, the DMZ of the love life. The dreaded purgatory. The feeling that looms over you like a fat dick in a pixelated bukkaki video except there’s no happy ending. At least, that’s what all the pussies say. This is a common struggle for the modern beta male that can leave him feeling helpless and frustrated. Poor fellas.

The thing is, though – the remedy is pretty damn simple.

It’s been said that being relegated to the friendzone is like going for a job interview, not getting the job, then being called continuously by the manager who didn’t hire you who proceeds to bitch about how bad his new hire is at his job. This would seem at face value to be a well thought out analogy, however, I would respectfully say you need to rethink your apathetic outlook on your current predicament.

I put forth that the friendzone (in keeping with this analogy) is more like going for a job interview, not getting the job, but instead of going home, you come sit in the lobby everyday. You sit there hoping for the new hire to fuck up so you can readily take his place. The manager becomes more accustomed to you being around as a friend. He tells you to go grab coffee every now and then and tells you about the daily grind, including minor fuck ups perpetrated by their new hire. You sadly sit around, doing favors, being available, but to no end…you’re nothing more than a useful “nice guy”. This is a social quagmire that will only pull you in further and further the longer you spend fooling yourself.

It’s really simple. The gal who has placed you in perpetual wank status is not into you. Either you don’t jive, or you weren’t a smooth operator.

pajamaboy

Stayin’ up late, talkin’ to his lady friend about her great sex life.

Maybe it was your fault, maybe it wasn’t – but don’t be a little bitch about it.

In talking to women, I’ve found the cause of this phenomenon is that they see a guy as a beta male. The guy you complain to about your boyfriend, but who you never want to see naked. They see you as someone who lacks the confidence and charisma to close the deal or possibly even stir any interest. Sorry if that upsets you, but you can be one of two things – a special little snowflake, or a man who moves on and tries again and improves his game.

The first step to leaving the friendzone is easy; drop the bitch. If you’re being used, emotionally tossed around, treated like a door mat and not getting your peepee touched – or at least working towards something solid – it’s not worth it. You will simply be used and cast aside at will. There will be no positive reckoning, it will drag on more awkwardly than Eric Andre doing shitty slam poetry at a feminist drum circle in the 4th week of Lilith Fair. A much simpler way to put it: Shit or get off the pot. Decisiveness is your best friend, especially if you wish to avoid the friendzone altogether.

Putting yourself out there in the dating scene is rarely easy, especially when you’re confronted with that “ideal girl”. You just need to have a confident mindset from the get-go. Practice your approach, dress to impress, stand up straight and do the damn thing. Make her smile and just keep talking. If you feel like you’re not getting anywhere, employ the help of friends and use every possible tool at your disposal. Remember gentlemen, your confidence is key. Approach with determination, be decisive, be assertive, be respectful and above all else, be proud of your boy.

And don’t be a friendzoned, beta little bitch.

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